I'm going crazy. I don't know where else to turn, so I'm coming here. I've been here. I'm turning to you. All of you, that I can't see, with voices that I can't hear. But I'm still turning to you, because knowing someone is there listening, even if you can't see them or hear them, is better than knowing that no one is listening.
Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you aren't listening, and I am just here tearing down the wall to my heart and exposing it to no one. For no one. Or, maybe this is just some kind of personal therapy that's supposed to help me.
I doubt that it is any of this. It's all just words.
This is addressed to anyone who will listen. Anyone who wants something to read to escape their own life, there own troubles. Use me. Use mine. Make fun of it. Laugh at it. Ignore it.
Why is it that most people's unwritten, unexpressed goal in life is to find "true love?" I ask the question being one of those people. Those people that you love to make fun of on t.v. and in movies. The people you love to hate, until you wake up one day and realize that you are them. You are what you hate, and when you hate yourself, you can never be happy.
We are human. We are born with wants and needs. On that list of wants and needs, love is a want. We don't need love in order to live. Love isn't our oxygen or our water. As much as we want it to be, love isn't our life support.
As we get older, we are more vulnerable to be impacted by love, but not because we start to understand it, because love is not logical. Love is something that no one really understands. It is not mathematical or scientific or even artistic. It is all based on faith and beliefs. Faith in yourself and believing in the other person.
There is nothing we can do but be patient about it. We spill our feelings to that other person, and we wait to see what they do. Do they run? Laugh? Cry? Do they feel the same way? Waiting for a response might be the most painful time in our life. We are so helpless while we are waiting. We are floating in a sea of misery waiting to see if someone throws us a life saver. If they don't, we sink, and we start over.
Love is all a cycle of birth and death and rebirth. Love is Buddhism. Until we are enlightened, until we find that person to liberate us from the cycle, we will continue die and be reborn again and again.
We cease to be alive when we think we need love to live. When we think that we need love, just as much as we need air and water, it becomes a problem. We become a walking problem. When love becomes a need, that's when things get fucked-up. That's when we lose control of our own life.
When love becomes a need, we our no longer in control of our happiness.
Don't use my heart to break your fall.
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